Fallen's Problem

Over the years, I have gone through many changes. Starting with living in a town that was made for someone exactly the opposite of my personality and ending with discovering my sexuality and the many choices I still had to make.

During High School, I was man-whore in more ways than just what you are thinking. Overtime i became disgusted with myself because of how my friends and family looked at me. At the time though I would laugh and shrug it off.

My father always taught me to show NO weakness so if I seem... distracted about talking. I apologized, I am trying my best to not get off track.

I have been over the years learning more and more about how I feel and to be honest, I am a detached person, in other words, I dont care or love my family or most of my friends. Lack of love or caring just seems like it is odd... most people acting this way usually end up with social problems and


I have worked out well so far but I was wondering if anyone else feels that way, or doesnt really have that connection? Am I just some freak of nature considering that both my parents were around, they cared for me, and was always taking care of me. Yet for some odd reason, I just dont feel like I really could care if they died or suffered. Am I evil for just uttering that? Yet for some reason I dont wanna disappoint my friends or anyone I have a responsiblity to. For family and most of my 'friends' seem to not care....

Though over the years I have noticed that I can care for a total stranger like my newest friend, she got kicked outta her house near mine. Her husband had been cheating and SHE got kicked outta the house. So without a second thought I invited her in and allowed her to stay for a while until she could get another apartment. A few of my friends I actually do care for them, I hate to see them hurt or in trouble....

Advice or thoughts, and be honest.


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On another note: Over the years I have been wanting to move away from my home town. For some of the reasons posted above. But I don't know where to move too, Many say just move a few hours south from your home or move all the way to Texas (where I used to live when I was in active military).

Any advice? *shrug* this is more of a opinion and reason behind why. If you need more info as in why I wanna leave i can give you some more info in a PM.

The human mind is one of the hardest things to comprehend, even if we live with it everyday. More often than not, you should try not to trust in it too often, because it wants you to see, what it wants you to see. Keep thinking outside the box, and hopefully, you can realize your purpose in this life.

*please keep in mind that this is my own personal opinion.

-Satoshi

I am glad you replied with something that does tend to stick to my mind.

But since I posted here, i was looking for input more so than an actual answer to the question.

so thanks

I don't know how old you are and I don't think it's important for the story, but when I was still in high school I felt very similarly. I didn't know I was a trap at this point, but I felt very solemn and disconnected from almost everything, and I remember wondering if I was just no good at that sort of thing. But it was not too many years beyond that that I had some kind of crazy metamorphosis and I have emotions just coming out of my ears. It was like I just suddenly understood 'love.' I am well aware that this sounds like the story of a lunatic so thank you for bearing with me, but I just wanted to make the point that "always in motion is the future," and it's hard to see what is next. My advice then is to deal with things the best way you know how, and try not to worry or regret things too much. I love Bob Dylan, and he told me that "Life is sad, life is a bust, all you can do is do what you must. You do what you must, and you do it well."
Sorry if this post is 100% saccharine, but I get real sad when I see people being sad & confused. <3

I know what you mean fallen. I used to feel like this, but in years of slowly making the good decisions instead of the bad my emotions came back. Instead of the lifeless shell i used to be i came to live, but when i joind TH i really came to life, these people gave me the power to come out of the closet, and since i did that i cant remember a time that i felt better!

Maybe this is the place that will count for you and maybe its not, but the only thing you can do is follow your heart.

Fallen wrote:

Over the years, I have gone through many changes. Starting with living in a town that was made for someone exactly the opposite of my personality and ending with discovering my sexuality and the many choices I still had to make.

During High School, I was man-whore in more ways than just what you are thinking. Overtime i became disgusted with myself because of how my friends and family looked at me. At the time though I would laugh and shrug it off.

My father always taught me to show NO weakness so if I seem... distracted about talking. I apologized, I am trying my best to not get off track.

I have been over the years learning more and more about how I feel and to be honest, I am a detached person, in other words, I dont care or love my family or most of my friends. Lack of love or caring just seems like it is odd... most people acting this way usually end up with social problems and


I have worked out well so far but I was wondering if anyone else feels that way, or doesnt really have that connection? Am I just some freak of nature considering that both my parents were around, they cared for me, and was always taking care of me. Yet for some odd reason, I just dont feel like I really could care if they died or suffered. Am I evil for just uttering that? Yet for some reason I dont wanna disappoint my friends or anyone I have a responsiblity to. For family and most of my 'friends' seem to not care....

Though over the years I have noticed that I can care for a total stranger like my newest friend, she got kicked outta her house near mine. Her husband had been cheating and SHE got kicked outta the house. So without a second thought I invited her in and allowed her to stay for a while until she could get another apartment. A few of my friends I actually do care for them, I hate to see them hurt or in trouble....

Advice or thoughts, and be honest.


---------------------------------------------------

On another note: Over the years I have been wanting to move away from my home town. For some of the reasons posted above. But I don't know where to move too, Many say just move a few hours south from your home or move all the way to Texas (where I used to live when I was in active military).

Any advice? *shrug* this is more of a opinion and reason behind why. If you need more info as in why I wanna leave i can give you some more info in a PM.

There is really nothing "wrong" in the way you act or think if you feel that it is "right". Since we live are our lives bound to our own assumptions, I have in the past, and now in the present could care less about other human concepts.

Though you may feel that you are different or maybe a "freak", that is just what is appealing to you and it doesn't matter what other's thing, shit this is your life.

Towards not caring for people you have cared in the past or of a family member and such, it is just the way you feel. Me, my "family" hasn't really been there when I was in a great time of desprate need, and therefore that is why I treat the same, I just use them.

So whatever you are feeling towards yourself and have finally found a answer to your problem, I suggest you stick to it and become happy. No one in your life can tell you how to live your life, since it is only yours.


You don't have to care about anyone/thing but yourself, and if you do choose to care for someone else, it doesn't concern anyone else but that person.

@miss_alexis
I am 23 years old, I have felt this way since I was 12. Even before that, I really didnt like being around people. Hell even now I cant be in a group of people for longer than I have to. (the only real difference would be depending on the situation. )

@OMG
My sexuality is known by my friends and family. And they accept it, they dont really care who I care for. So that really isnt affecting my feelings.

@ShiSasuke
To be honest, I never cared about my family. Granted they arent exactly the model family but they are not abusive when I was a child. I am sure my parents raised me the right way and did everything they could. In the end, I respect they did what they did but at the same time, I could care less if they died. That is what I worry about is it will affect me more so than it should....on top of the other questions.

I mean if I end up caring for someone who I might wanna be in a working relationship than something that just consists of sex, money or just plain doing it for a stupid reason. Would I end up feeling nothing because of how I feel towards family now? Kinda a tricky question


Thanks to everyone who posted, it is nice to hear some different opinions and advice on the situation.